3.17 The first sign of life. (and part 1 of the week)

For those of you who were not aware, last year I was asked to direct a week of camp. This means a host of planning and operational responsibilities dealing with a specific 5 days. I must not have messed it up too bad because they asked me to try it again for a week this year. That week began on the 22nd and technically ended the 27th. But it is no accident that I took until now to update again.

I will admit the best of intentions and thought that just maybe I might be able to update during the week this year... a hope that was quickly dashed Sunday afternoon as my carefully laid plans came crashing down and a series of improvisations began.

In comparison to last year this week was a rousing success. I was more confident in my ability to navigate the schedule and knew much more of what to expect and could take some comfort in the brief moments where I could sit and relax before another issue arose that required my attention. However this week was a study in dramatic contradictions and difficulties.

I had far less support this week than I did last year, both in my superiors time spent at camp and just the raw number of staff present this year. I can't say enough good things about the crew that was there (and I'll touch on a few highlights further on) and I know that many who I asked would have quickly joined us if circumstances were different. Keeping that in mind I've heard it said that "God provides the staff that you need each year" and this year that was true, however I didn't get any extra. To the point that I had to ask some of the staff to take on a disproportionate amount of work and wear multiple hats in order to make things happen smoothly. Two of the gals bore most of this responsibility and my expectation was that they would perform the necessary aspects of both jobs and likely not excel at either, much to my surprise neither were content to just meet the bare minimum and pushed for excellence. This resulted in them both being frustrated and exhausted by the end of the week... but they have every right to be proud of the work they did (and possibly mad at me for asking that much of them).

Secondly we had a few very difficult calls to make this week in regards to discipline. I won't go into a lot of specifics because they're not terribly important, but I do want to go through some of my mental process to shed some light for those who were there, and for those that will likely evaluate my decisions later on in the year. At camp we have a firm conviction that any kid who wants to come to camp should be allowed to, regardless of financial ability or past discipline problems. Many of us came up through camps and other organizations that taught us what Grace meant in a very practical sense and we see that as something we need to pass on to the next generation. A responsibility I completely agree with and take very seriously. However there is a time when justice or discipline must also be considered as the most loving route. This does not cause grace to diminish nor will forgiveness be denied in any way... Sometimes a bad thing is the best option.

I remember talking to a young father not too long ago (I bet he'll recognize himself, but I didn't ask his permission to share this story, hence the anonymity) who was frustrated with the behavior of his son. The man and his wife had planned/prepared a tasty supper for their son as well as a delicious dessert of fresh raspberries (one of the child's favorites) but during the course of the regular meal the young boy decided that he was done eating. He picked up his food and threw it across the room and at his parents. In the boldness that only small (or particularly recalcitrant) children can convincingly muster he looked at his dad and said "raspberries?" The father, not being one to forsake his parental responsibility told his son no. He explained lovingly that the boy had chosen wrongly and his actions had consequences, including the loss of dessert that night. In the same way that the father in this story was frustrated by the responsibility of caring enough to remain consistent and loving while also wanting to give good things to his child I too was stuck in that place with some of the decisions this week. And because unless you're already in the loop this probably seems incredibly vague... Hopefully it'll be helpful for those who walked that road with me. But regardless, I'll move on. (read Proverbs 3:12 on this too)

In what little training we could get done as a group on the weekend, I presented a challenge to the staff. We took on the simple challenge of "Love God, Love others". A profoundly difficult reality, but in my mind a week ago was something that needed to be the core of success. As a matter of fact it seemed to be the only thing that mattered. (something that became more and more true as the week went on, but I'll leave that until part 2) I also got the chance to see 'my' worship leader in action as he led the staff in group worship/prayer sessions in lieu of training due to complications. Despite the behind the scenes chaos I could see and feel the presence of God, and the week hadn't even begun.

Next time on the N-Quadrant. Kids, kids, everywhere! Rain, rain, come again! (all week long) and the shadow of doubt.

Thanks for coming back even when I don't update for a week :)
-Nick

3.16 The one with 1000 words.

So I'm directing next week... and because of that this picture seems to capture the current "update"

3.15 a list of issues to pray for

Things to remember in your prayers:
Several of the staff are fighting illnesses, in perhaps a perfect storm these are also some of the new staff. So in a team ministry when one is struggling it ripples. So everyone is working a little harder.

Combine this with the fact that the summer staff is a little smaller this year and chores are a little larger and it's an endurance game to be sure.

Also we've got a huge group of great campers, who we love but are not short on challenges. Pray for wisdom and patience as we desk with them.

I'm beginning to get sore from being on my feet too long (happens every summer), it wasn't as quick to set in as wrangling but that's the first sign that I'm running low on fuel. And I've gotta direct next week...

Tomorrow we do the last rappelling for the week and we've got an all camp activity called the "amazing (g)race" which should be fairly awesome.

Breakfast comes soon and I need all the sleep I can get. Gnite my friends

3.14 Lake day! and prep for next week.

Today we went to the lake and swam, splashed and generally got sand (and a few ants) everywhere. The kids seemed to enjoy it and as I watched from the fire pit they also seemed to plop into bedtime a bit easier too.

I took the morning to do "directerly" things and spent the morning on the phone, texting, calling, and otherwise trying to tie up as many loose ends for next week as possible. But despite that I'm still showing a few gaps.

So... Please remember me/us in your prayers as I try to pull it together here. Last year I planned out a lot of things, many of which didn't work out but at least looked decent before camp started. This year... The pre-camp process (recruiting, coordinating schedules so we don't run into conflicts etc) has been very difficult to get done. At this point I'm doing what I can but I'm also trusting and praying that God provides what He has planned because I'm not entirely sure how it's going to work out.

And on that note... I'm going to bed. We've got a full day of activities planned tomorrow and the ropes don't set themselves up before breakfast.

3.13 the day of firsts

Today was the first day with campers living here. The first day I was rappelling crew instead of a wrangler. The first day I led night games for the summer. And in all cases it was a successful day.

We've got a fairly challenging group of kids this week in many ways. A handful of em are a bit hard to manage and many others are just hyper and push us because we're not into our stride yet. Pray that we can rise to the challenges.

It was a great day though. I hurt in peculiar places from hard work at things I don't do often, but it was fun and fulfilling.

However tomorrow is lake day (due to weather it was moved up to Tuesday) and I need my sleep.

-Nick
P.s. thank you from the depths of my soul for all of the support and encouragement yesterday, it was very powerful.

3.12 In which it gets real...

Fathers day. 

Once an easy, barely noteworthy, day. A day when I told my dad that he did a great job as a father and he tried to dodge the compliment (turns out I'm more like him than I knew back then). But saying my dad was a great father seemed almost as redundant as him saying that he loved us. It meant a great deal collectively, but in the moment it was such an obvious truth and so normal that it was routine. I remember many times rolling my eyes when dad would ask us "guess what?!" to which we'd inevitably roll our eyes and he'd say "I love you a whole bunch". 

I can clearly remember the last time I spoke to my father, a few days before he left for Minnesota. We talked about my decision to go back to college by way of Grace University, we talked about the things I'd been reading in the word lately and we got a little excited (or heated depending on who you ask) and didn't end the conversation on a complete resolution. He still wasn't sure I was making a completely informed decision and I was sick of trying to convince him that day. I figured I'd have a solid 8 months or so to make my point so we agreed to table it for a few weeks. I packed up my things, loaded my car, did a quick walk-through of the guest room and bathroom to make sure I didn't forget anything and then slipped out the side door to leave. As I was halfway to the driveway dad came bursting out of the door, quick-walked up to me and said "guess what I forgot?" I chuckled, gave him a hug and  he told me he loved me. Then I walked to my car and drove off. And the oddest thing was he stood on the front porch and watched me drive off... and the next time I saw him he was lying in a hospital bed in the Mayo Clinic, and even though I got to talk at him... we never had the privilege of speaking again. I don't even know if he heard us. 

It has been a year and a half later, and most days I can live confident in the fact that my Father is in the company of the savior that he loved far more than he did me and my siblings, or my mother. I can rest assured that I was blessed beyond measure to have 26 years of a wonderful dad, something many would consider akin to a fairy-tale. I can be proud of my father for being tough on his sons because he viewed his job as training us not to need him. A job he did well... and one that we needed far sooner than any of us expected. 

But days like today... When the whole country is told to appreciate fathers. None of those things are foremost in my mind. They're there to be sure... but they're overshadowed by the fact that it just hurts. It hurts to know my nephews joyfully greet their uncles and aunts, and ask about Oma (grandma in dutch tradition) but that they will never know their Opa. It hurts that my little sister doesn't have her daddy to call up on the phone and talk through the day with. It hurts that when I make a decision I'm always a bit uncertain because I haven't had the opportunity to run it by dad and answer his concerns and questions. It hurts to see my mother living the painful reality that "death do us part" is part of this journey too. And it hurts that I'll probably never hear the comparison "you're so like your dad" again. 

And so today... I'm skipping church and I'm going to taco johns for lunch. Not because that's anything special or significant. But because today... I'm not strong enough to get jokingly asked by clueless people if I called my dad, or to see the pitying looks of those in the know when this "should" be a day of joy. You have your joy and special fathers day service, I have no grudge whatsoever... But I'll take my pain and go eat tacos. And this afternoon when it's time to start a fresh week of camp. I'll do my best to put that away and work as hard as I can to do the best job I can. After all that's one of the many things my father taught me, and a lesson that he lived well. 

-Nick

3.11 A "guest" post

Coherency is in short supply and today is a tough day for me. So rather than stumbling through a post right now in going to highly recommend you go read this:

http://www.stpetersfireside.org/2014/06/fathers-day-superheroes-villains-meet/

An article written by my incredibly talented sister about father's day. I hope you enjoy it, I  know I sure did.