Day 23. The one in which i'm full of shtuf. (arguably all of them)

Today was a good day. It was not a particularly difficult day, nor was it a particularly easy day... but it was a good day if for no other reason than I was able to get done what I needed to, and I grew just a little bit. I'll cover the timeline in broad strokes before I expound further.

Today began with a fairly low-key morning, unloaded my stuff from the suburban and generally just killed some time while waiting for the time when we'd have to go out to camp and where our to-do list could come to full fruition. Once we got all of that figured out and lined up (I mostly just sat around wishing I could help) we grabbed some lumber and headed out to camp. Upon our arrival we ate lunch and then finished up the snazzy new staircase off of the backside of the camp building. Not only is it very nice and useful as an aid for traffic in and out of the building but it also is a permanent fix to a fire code issue. (as I understand it we weren't in violation but we are in better shape now) During the morning I got a chance to spend some time with danny, one pair of our directors (we're led by two married pairs) son. It was a blast just to see his childish glee and how very few things are insignificant to a child. I'll likely write a full post on this at some point during primary camp but I'll merely say that It reminded me of my friends kids back home and that was both fun and made me miss them as well.

After completing our carpentry we fed horses and headed home. (home right now being torington) We enjoyed a tasty supper that was a group effort and enjoyed the steady stream of the rest of the camp team reuniting with us. It was great to see the crew back together and It just reminded me that the end of camp isn't far away... Seasons are powerful but they do come to an end far too swiftly. But enough on that point! On to the real reason I decided to write this tonight instead of waiting until the morning. 

At one point in the evening I was chatting with one of the gals on staff and she challenged me with a question that I did not have an immediate response to. I paused for a moment and then launched into a half-formed idea that really had no basis in reality nor adequately captured the point I was trying to make. She quietly looked away and commented that I was full of excrement. (that's not the word she used but... I'll just substitute that for now.) It startled me for a moment and stopped me in my tracks. Even now a few hours later It's still rattling around in my brain that she was (and is) completely right.

For as long as I can remember I've always loved to be the guy who knew stuff. Really about anything. I love being able to jump into nearly every conversation and have something relevant and interesting to add. In many ways this is a profound weakness of mine to this day and even more so in the past it caused me to just add my own made up or partially unknown thoughts to a conversation figuring that if I didn't know odds are the other people wouldn't either and I might be able to bluff my way into looking smart. To this day I'm still very bad about opening my mouth and just talking my way out of things that I really should just chew on for a while and I also find it very difficult to admit that I can't explain something. Sometimes I'll think or feel something and I'll cheapen it with half baked and inadequate chatter and miss the whole point. Because of that I'm always thankful when people call me on these sorts of moments (maybe not at the time but I come around eventually) and I'd like to hope that these sorts of reminders are fewer and further between than they used to be. I'm still growing and hopefully will wake up tomorrow a bit better than the garbled incoherent mess I was today. More importantly I pray that tomorrow I wake up a bit closer to the man that God would have me become. I'm by no means there yet... and I stub my toes altogether too often on this road... but I'm a little bit closer perhaps, and that is thanks to friends who are encouraging and honest (which isn't always encouraging, but is often necessary anyway) regardless of the short term ramifications.

It's good to have the team back and it's great to be reminded that my host of weaknesses are not the same ones shared by this incredibly gifted team. I only hope (and ask your prayers for) that my strengths are able to help the team as well. God is good and I'm just glad he lets broken people tag along for the ride. 

-Nick

disclaimer: i'm not depressed or in a bad mood at all. In fact i'm quite optimistic about the rest of the summer. So no worrying about me being in a bad place emotionally. Besides even if I was (which i'm not)... normal people are allowed those sometimes, at least that's what I hear. 

Day 22. A little late but still here.

Today was a good day, filled with rest and a little bit of work. Then food and fun and Mcdonalds dip cones... 

The day began in the afternoon. Despite my query on when we should be up and at it in the morning I was strictly forbidden to set an alarm and told that we'd "go out to camp whenever you guys wake up". Well... me and hunter apparently both decided that this was a great opportunity to sleep in so when we slumbered all the way until noon. I can't decide if it's a good thing or not that I'll be allowed to set an alarm even on rest days now...

After we woke up we grabbed some lunch and headed out to camp to do some chores and pick up a few things, but not before hitting mcdonalds for dip cones, I'd say we're getting a bit addicted to those things but that would suggest that it's in any way a bad thing. Just keep in mind if you want to bribe us... dip cones are a good start. Now it was off to camp. Even having been there the day before it once again had gained a bit of distance in memory and my own perception of time. Except this time instead of the melancholy end of a good thing I was ready to do it all over again. I was ready for the noise and chaos to begin anew. Sadly this was not to be so we completed our errands and came back into town. 

we ate an incredible supper of steak, shrimp, deviled eggs, and potato salad and made a few of the leftover gallons of milk from camp into chocolate milk. mmmm chocolate milk... Dinner was fantastic! But in many ways dinner paled in comparison to the great conversations we had after dinner. 

The topic that we've been discussing off and on all summer is vision versus reality. In ministry this is something that we are trying to find the middle ground almost constantly. Our dream is to be more effective and have greater resources to work with in order to do all of the things that we'd like, but the reality is that we've got the resources that we do this summer and we can't produce extra buildings or people right now. 

In some small way we ran into this concept while I was working concrete a few years back, Depending on the foreman that I was working under that day we'd either be operating on the idea that 'lets do the best we are capable of' or the idea of 'that's good enough'. The first required a little more time and effort but yielded far superior results. The second got the job done but occasionally required that we come back and fix mistakes. 

In ministry we also have to consider the fact that our mission isn't to keep the popcorn machine running or the fences looking pretty. Our mission is to minister to kids (and anyone else that comes to camp). And during camp season that mission tends to force us into 'good enough' mode. If our maintenance is good enough that frees us (or someone else) up to be with a kid and make their camp experience the best that it can be. In the same vein when we're prepping in the off season we  should be doing the best we can so that it lasts as long as possible and that it doesn't require our direct attention during camp season because we've got better things to do. 

Also on this subject it helps to think of the camp as basic setup that can be expanded and grown, but it must always be balanced with the fact that God gives us what we need and what we have right now is enough. We've got lots we think would be cool to see and there are tons of incredible dreams and ideas floating around... but ultimately if God ordained that we should do camp with tents and an outhouse I'd still be showing up because the effectiveness of our ministry can be augmented by better facilities but the true impact of what we do is only because God works in us and through us to impact lives. He is the one in charge of it all and we're just trying to be good stewards. 

-Nick

Day 21. Another new experience! and a (hopefully) fun story!

Alrighty, today began fairly well... I dragged myself out of bed and me and hunter foraged about for edible things (we're both bachelors so that's a pretty broad list) ate some breakfast and set to working through the to-do list we had.

The largest and most 'exciting' part of the to-do list was to take the garbage truck to the landfill and dump it. Now... do me a favor, close your eyes and remember back to those surprisingly durable tonka trucks that every kid my age seemed to have at one point. Those little yellow things that seemed to come from the store with half the paint missing and a bit of rust. (or maybe that was just the effect me and my brothers had on em) well... imagine that sort of dump truck. Now imagine that instead of the construction yellow it is painted a dark green, blotched with sun, rain, and who-knows what else... well, thats the truck i'm talking about here. Now fill that truck with the garbage of nearly 3 weeks of camp operations, so much garbage that where the truck dumps there is a little black patch of dead grass because the juices have become toxic. In short this truck might not be toxic enough to make you superhero but it sure might kill ya.

I drove this ancient monstrosity all the way into town, its rumble and creaks just adding a good counterpoint to the constant refrain of "please God let this thing die when zach is driving and not me". (I suspect a similar refrain was uttered in the past and resulted in me driving this thing in the first place). well to make a long story shorter than I might have otherwise, I finally managed to limp this thing into the dump where the scale attendant recognized the truck and helped me get the thing out on the landfill and directed me where to dump it. Now... I like to think i'm not a prideful man (one might even go so far as to say I'm proud of that fact. but if you were that one who would say so you might be a silly man as well) but I do not particularly enjoy learning things by embarrassing myself, granted I don't forget and often can muddle my way through on the kindness of strangers and the grace of God. Today was no exception, turns out I didn't completely remember the directions zach gave me to operate the truck, and even once I figured it out (on my own) the box on the truck wouldn't go all the way back down. The attendant being a very nice small town kinda guy was quite gracious about giving me a hand and we got the truck back into its barely street capable state. From here on out the plan was simple... keep the truck running and keep moving. The truck survived and I learned a few things but it was a (mostly good) stretch there for a bit.

Also yesterday and today we've had a farrier out working on our horses, if you didn't read yesterdays update I encourage you to check it out. Also if you need a farrier in or around cheyenne I recommend the High Plains Farrier Service.

After we finally got our to-do list done me and hunter (the only members of bachelor camp) loaded up and headed into town to crash at a few of our bosses house (we have lots of bosses, it at least helps that they're in married couples though) I'm looking forward to a fun 4th of july! (yeah I didn't forget that I'm a canuck but when in rome...)

Also really looking forward to seeing the rest of the team on thursday evening. it's peculiar how you can go from strangers to family in a few weeks, it'll be stranger still when we have to leave at the end of the summer.

ooh lookie! I got it done with 15 minutes to spare! go me!

-Nick

Day 20. Of horseshoes and decking screws, of facebook, family, and friends.

Today I woke up late... Apparently it's popular to not wake me up on "vacation" days so I slept in a while and missed the start of a new section of deck. (the same started in yesterdays post). By the time I finished breakfast and whatnot I was just in time to get sent down to the horses to help/observe the farrier at work. Due to a few different circumstances our string of horses has been slightly neglected in the area of hoof care until now... But we finally got a farrier to come out and remedy the situation, I spent a large portion of the day observing and swapping stories with dan and was very impressed with his story of how God got ahold of him and how he's tried to model his business after christian principles. It was a great opportunity and dan also mentioned that he'd like to send his kids to camp here! (people who want to send their kids to camp are a great kind of crazy in my book).

After horses I got to see the beauty of a new set of stairs. I'm fairly certain that if the rest of the deck collapsed those stairs would still be standing.

Annnd last but not least after a quick dinner myself and hunter perused the facebooks and fun was had by all. (I encourage you to check out becca's pictures and join the myriad of comment wars raging therin).  Also I got to skype with my wee little sister for a half hour or so.

This is the part of the show where I go off script and such... today I think I'll just outline the script for the next lil bit.

Until thursday I'll be in and around camp and the nearby town of torington. I should have decent cell signal so I'll update those days, thursday night I think we're going camping so I might not have power, internet, or cell signal so I might not be updating in a timely manner those days, I do plan on bringing paper and a pen so at very least I can jot down the core of an update and type it up later. After this week we move on to primary camp in casper for a week, high school camp at table in the wilderness, and a mission trip in denver for a week. All of these times might be intermittent updates but I shall record my recollections and perspective as much as possible.

Kind of a boring day... but they can't all  be winners eh? (p.s. happy day after canada day)

-Nick

Day 19. The day in which I slept... a lot

Today was quite a good Sunday. We went in to church for the late service (I am convinced that only crazy people go to the early one) and heard a solid sermon about Gideon and how at times we're just called to make noise and watch God do the work. OK in all fairness that might not have been exactly what pastor said but it did come up in our discussion later in the day so that's how I remember it.

We then ate some chinese food in Torington and I was quite amused to see how busy it was and how much fun it is when a chinese restaurant is full of cowboys, pretty entertaining.

Came back to camp after lunch and after reading for a short while I fell asleep, I was half awakened to learn that a rattlesnake had made its way into one of the cabins... Don't worry, no one else was here and it was quickly disposed of. Just a bit entertaining and further proof that the two remaining cabin remodels need to happen this year. Despite a small project to do I slept all the way until 6pm (the project still got done thanks to zach and hunter being superstars n whatnot) and finally dragged myself out of bed so that I could fall asleep before monday rolled around.

And finally I'm starting to get into the neighborhood of why I'm telling the whole narrative of the day... Most of it probably isn't interesting to anyone but me, but meh...  anyway, after I awoke we had a mini guys night and watched alien on the projector and ate delicious bowls of cold cereal. The Bachelor experience did not end here we also had a pair of those ever so peculiar banana chairs. It reminded me of watching movies in the basement of our old house on 5th street... (for those that don't know that era, 4 college guys in a house will turn it into a fairly stereotypical bachelor pad... it just happens). It was pretty fun to see the references from prometheus that are also in alien.

Now, as you might recall if you've seen alien... they always seem to be hiding about head height and stick their creepy faces out right when you turn around... well as me and adam were heading down to hook up a trailer we noticed one of the cabin doors were open, we ducked in checked to make sure nothing had set up residence and then turned the lights off and turned around to leave. As I turned toward the door in the now-dark cabin I came face to face with a lil furry face. rower! bowser (one of the other cats here at camp, yes I was a part of his name) greeted me as I did a nice little scared dance. But I had my revenge and set him outside and closed the door, as I drove off down the road he was either plotting... or pouting. I'm hoping for pouting.

well there you have it, except for tossing some hay and whatnot that's a pretty complete account of the day, which usually means now is the time where I pick an obscure and semi-related topic to expound upon. I suppose tonight will be no different.

An empty camp is a strange thing, With just 4 of us remaining here last night (we're up to 7 tonight though) this camp is a huge echoing place. It is alive with memory and tears, with stress and stories. In some ways it's extremely useful to sit around and rest here because in my brain I'm still recalling and learning from things that happened last year. I can still remember with incredible clarity sitting at this very table and talking to a dear friend about the way God works in our lives and how a biblical discussion doesn't have to take place in a little Christianese vacuum. I can still remember ducking out the back door when he inevitably was swept off to dance with his lady (now his wife) and the incredible stars spread out overhead. While I remember this last 2 weeks of camp and prepare for our season on the road I can't remember maverick without remembering abe, or go through a thursday night without remembering deb and nicole. Dear friends all... Yes this is what a calling feels like and this is what success is measured by, NOTHING we did here remained a simple menial task. I love every minute of it including the times I took my boots off and couldn't move for at least an hour because my feet hurt so badly. I love the times when I was so badly sunburned that even though I was sitting in front of an AC unit on full blast I was still roasting hot. Why do I remember those times and am glad? Because in many ways the only thing I've ever been able to accomplish out here is to make noise... and watch God work. May we all be so Blessed wherever we are planted.

-Nick

Day 18. Of goodbyes and pizza pies.

Today was saturday. (checks clock) yep, saturday. It was a strange day because there was an abnormal number of people who stayed the night on friday so until afternoon it still felt like a continuation of camp. Eventually most of the cleaning got done and everyone went their seperate ways. On the way out of town a group of folks swung by pizza hut and invited the two bachelors who are staying out here over break to join them. It was a good time and fun was had by all.

Also today was a day of farewells, of saying goodbye to new friends and see you later to old ones. A day of being thankful that no matter the road here on earth we will see each other again. Here, there, or in the air.

Today was a day of rest and joy. Naps were had by all and the evening ended with some incredible fellowship at the home of a few of our dear leaders. We ate some extremely good food and laughed so hard it hurt at times. Truly I am blessed to be among this fellowship.

and now since it is sunday already and I have no major news to add... (except that my book is still quite good) I bid thee a good night.

-Nick