Just keep swimming...

Here I sit at the end of the first week of school. I'm pretty worn out but it has been a good week. I've done fairly well at sticking to the crazy (at least for me) things I planned on doing. Things that come naturally to some like leaving their door propped open when they're in the dorm, or like participating in campus activities as much as possible. It's not that I'm chasing some misconception of a "college experience" but the last thing I want to do is isolate myself from the community around me. That is after all what I'm here for eh?

I did think a bit about it right before I decided not to skip an activity earlier this evening. I was reminded of the idea to "be where you are". Instead of looking too far ahead to camp, or midterms, or trying to line things up for after graduation (whenever that is) I should instead just be happy with where I'm at and try to engage where I'm at.

I don't really know the pace of life here yet. Nor do I feel like I'm excelling at anything yet. I'm barely keeping up with the homework load (hopefully aided by my books arriving on monday) and the problem with a small school is that all the returning students know everyone already, they're friendly but they've got a lot of history and that takes time to break through.

Also I fully realize that it's possible that other students here will read this. I'm trying not to be too self-conscious about it... because I still think it's worth it. And besides, true community takes a bit of vulnerability right?

-N
p.s. the photo is of a spot in downtown Omaha, I did not take it but I was there a few hours ago.

What's all this then?

I was impressed with the message at chapel tonight. So much so that it pushed me over the edge on something I've been considering for (checks the date on my last post) 7 days.

Tonight we heard a message about being afraid of success and how stupid that Idea really is. The Pastor used the example of Gideon and how even after God had proven his power and authority Gideon continued to ask for strange things to help overcome his concerns... As he was speaking I couldn't help but think that fit me eerily well.

Allow me to explain (or ramble). I recently (this morning) started attending Grace University after a few years away from academia. I dropped out of school at BHSU a few years ago, somewhat by choice and somewhat to avoid being removed from attendance due to rapidly declining grades. I struggled personally and spiritually for several years after that... and spent a long time recovering from that major failure in my life.

Back in December I felt convicted that it was time to allow redemption of that season of my life. So with that goal in mind I looked a few schools and quickly narrowed the field down to Grace. I applied and was accepted and decided to pursue this path without ever having been here. I just felt so clear that this was where I needed to be.

Now... I look around and I'm beginning to see the first fruits of why that might have been, But at the same time I can't help but be incredibly nervous due to the expectations of those around me, and that I hold for myself. I don't feel entirely confident that I can handle what is to come, and the incredible fear and pressure of not clearing this hurdle. But at the same time... I'm here for a reason, and Deut 31:6 echoes in my head almost constantly. I somewhat feel a captive to the calling that brought me here, but I also feel the prompting of the Lord that I love.

Because I have depended on this method of thinking and sharing where I'm at in a more genuine way than facebook status updates or text messages I've decided to continue. I don't know how frequently or any regular content guidelines yet (I imagine it'll be semi-similar to camp to start). But let's be honest, I've never really been good at keeping within the lines I drew in the past either so we'll just see what happens.

So here it is, Chapter 3 of the N quadrant, The Omahaian (or whatever you call someone from this city) Exile.