Tonight we heard a message about being afraid of success and how stupid that Idea really is. The Pastor used the example of Gideon and how even after God had proven his power and authority Gideon continued to ask for strange things to help overcome his concerns... As he was speaking I couldn't help but think that fit me eerily well.
Allow me to explain (or ramble). I recently (this morning) started attending Grace University after a few years away from academia. I dropped out of school at BHSU a few years ago, somewhat by choice and somewhat to avoid being removed from attendance due to rapidly declining grades. I struggled personally and spiritually for several years after that... and spent a long time recovering from that major failure in my life.
Back in December I felt convicted that it was time to allow redemption of that season of my life. So with that goal in mind I looked a few schools and quickly narrowed the field down to Grace. I applied and was accepted and decided to pursue this path without ever having been here. I just felt so clear that this was where I needed to be.
Now... I look around and I'm beginning to see the first fruits of why that might have been, But at the same time I can't help but be incredibly nervous due to the expectations of those around me, and that I hold for myself. I don't feel entirely confident that I can handle what is to come, and the incredible fear and pressure of not clearing this hurdle. But at the same time... I'm here for a reason, and Deut 31:6 echoes in my head almost constantly. I somewhat feel a captive to the calling that brought me here, but I also feel the prompting of the Lord that I love.
Because I have depended on this method of thinking and sharing where I'm at in a more genuine way than facebook status updates or text messages I've decided to continue. I don't know how frequently or any regular content guidelines yet (I imagine it'll be semi-similar to camp to start). But let's be honest, I've never really been good at keeping within the lines I drew in the past either so we'll just see what happens.
So here it is, Chapter 3 of the N quadrant, The Omahaian (or whatever you call someone from this city) Exile.
3 comments:
At the parents' meeting I felt a confirmation, as a parent, that this was where you were to be right now also. And definitely cling to Deut 31:6, and to the campus theme this year of abiding in Christ. I am very excited for what God is going to do in this particular chapter of your life. It won't be easy, but it will be good.
Love you,
Mom
Yay! You are blogging from Grace. (pun intended.) I'm glad to hear a report of your first day and am praying that you will experience many more moments of Grace. (again, intentional. Somebody named that school well.) You're doing it right, and we are proud of you.
So glad you decided to blog. I was just saying to Mike "we should encourage Nick to keep blogging." After we talked about reading your blog. I am excited for what God has in store for you and the many more chapters to come. I love you much brother.
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