Not the post I envisioned when the week began

I started writing this update several times, but time and time again I found myself defeated by the maze in my own mind. I'd get lost in frustration or anger, or distracted by opportunity and joy. I often had other things clamor for my attention, some necessary and good like homework and time spent with dear friends, and some less so, like flash games and news feeds.

I wrestled with my mind and spirit time and time again and learned much, but understood little. And yes... this all happened this week. I'd like to share a few of the things that I learned this week... It is entirely possible that at some point you'll think less of me, but I also hope that you'll know me better.

I started off the week a bit behind... due to a bit of craziness and whatnot over the weekend I was not as on top of my homework as I would have liked, so the week became a dance between meeting deadlines (I made all but one of em) and maintaining my 'normal' life. Normal being eating food and sleeping enough n whatnot. I also had a few curveballs thrown my way in regards to the AC unit I've got sitting on my floor (and not making cold air in the window like it should be) and suchlike. I felt pulled in too many directions and as the temperature at night continued to climb I had lots of sleepless time to fume and grumble. Time better spent in prayer and battling my own flaws... but that took me a few nights to arrive at (I'm kinda dumb sometimes).

I felt the stirrings of unease about this becoming home. I knew a few people here... many of those that I do are great friends, but they've got one foot out the door or they're quite busy with their own stuff. I've had a hard time building my own space, and thus I have slowly felt the slow spiral toward me just snapping, or the darkness of a full shutdown looming. So tonight I took some time off... refused a host of things that I was struggling to decide between anyway and just decided that today was mine. Mine to walk the twisted corridors of my brain and spend some much needed time in contemplation and prayer. The only downside is that I haven't prioritized this kind of time since I moved here... and I think I might have initially offended some people with how I did so, especially since when I let myself get too worn down I'm less diplomatic about it. Combine that with the fact that a dear friend is back in town for the day (which I didn't know ahead of time) and it looks like I'm just being a bit of a jerk. Which I can't help but think is a bit true, but is still necessary.

In other news I'd like to share a few things that are worth recommending:

This  is a post my little sister posted a few days ago. It hit me fairly solidly as I was melting in my little closet of a room. Home is an ethereal thing and I'm still rebuilding one to rest in.

This  is another post I read a short time ago and perhaps reminded me of one of the reasons this place is tough for me. As any long-term readers know I lost my father last January, and now moving this far away from home I've also severed what little regular contact I had with my mum. I haven't really needed my parents for years thanks to their incredible efforts and training in that direction... this article highlights something that I miss. And articulates one of the many voids my father left in his wake.

So here I sit... Tomorrow morning a new week begins with the breaking of bread and worship together... I don't have a lot of clarity nor have I resolved the turmoil of my thoughts. But I know that He who brought me here is able, and despite my myriad of failures in all other things His call remains the same to Love Him with everything.

In my mind it's a bit like this...



When I think of everything else I should be doing better I get a little overwhelmed... but know Him better? that I can aspire to.

-Nick

The one in a bottle.

The following is a mysterious blog post that arrived via bottle. It should serve as evidence that I am in fact not-dead. You can blame the timeliness of its arrival on ocean currents and various other fancy things that make it sound less like I didn't get to it until now.

On the road again! ish... I'm currently in a town name Beatrice. why would I be in a town where they abuse rice you might ask? well... you sit right there and I'll tell you. I'm here because... I am here!

Actually I'm here because a friend of mine grew up here and decided that she was going to come see her family on this long weekend, and naturally being the social butterfly that she is she roped a few of us into going with her. (and me being the crazy person that I am I said sure! why not!)

Long story short we got here and participated in such wild and crazy activities like... nap-time! and watching the red green show! also walking around parks, eating Chinese food, and gobs (or at least smackarels) of good conversations.

It was a great weekend, very restful and encouraging. I only wish it had lasted a bit longer... *insert ominous foreshadowing music* but that is a different blog post indeed.