3.22 The End. (again)

This week was a blessing and a great note to go out on. We had a large group of 7th and 8th graders and it was a pleasure to see a totally different style of directing implemented this week. I definitely learned a few things.

This week we went to a "new" lake (for us) and it was fun and exciting. I got to work on the pontoon crew again and had an enjoyable comparison to years past where I was indispensable on that job, but this year I'm just an option. It was a good feeling.

This week was my last working with Hunter on the cliff... it has been a joy and a learning experience to see his quiet strength at work day in and day out. How he's gracious, silly, and loves what he does. He never set out to teach me anything (other than a few new knots and how to aussie) but I learned a great deal by observing. I'm really looking forward to another year together at Grace.

I also faced my terror (I'm afraid of heights) and rappelled Aussie-style twice this week! For those that don't know, rappelling is normally a sitting position where you lean back and walk/run/jump backwards down a wall or cliff. Since Australia is the land down under, or upside down to where we're at... Aussie-style is where you rappel face first, leaning so far forward you're running down a cliff in defiance of the natural gravitational order. It was a fairly large accomplishment for me to do it the first time... so I had to do it again to prove to myself that it wasn't just a fluke. (A group of campers even witnessed the first one)

and finally the highlight of the week, and possibly the summer... In my scarce posts this year (22 is about a third of the amount I have done in years past. Granted this summer was 14 days shorter... but still) I have talked a little bit about my internal struggles with finding significance and/or finding my place at camp this year. This was partially put to rest when I was given the privilege of being a counselor for a week (my boys were great!) and finally buried with a stake through the heart yesterday afternoon in our end-of-the-week meeting. Captain Tibbs (or mild mannered Adam if you prefer) decided, entirely unbeknownst to me, to allow time for people to share a way that I had impacted them this year, or a camp story that we had together. It was humbling, encouraging, and generally shocking to me how many people shared... and how it wasn't just shallow stuff... Turns out God has been doing more through me than I ever realized. I can't take credit for that... and it was a perfect end to a wonky year.

So, Where does that leave us now? I'll continue to write and post periodically for a short time as I figure out what the next year is looking like. I often process through writing and when that's possible to share I will (but if this summer is an indicator then more of that will need to stay off the web than years past).

The immediate future looks a little like this:
-return to Rapid City tonight
-do laundry/rest/etc. for a few days
-Drive from Rapid City to Omaha on Tuesday
-Get integrated/trained for my new job at the school in Omaha
-Go on the RA trip for a week
-Return to Grace and complete final prep for new students arrival
-start classes

And that all happens in the next month (or less). I'll also need to find a second part-time job relatively quick after the start of classes. And there are a few other semi-important things brewing as well. It's shaping up to be a great year already!

Thank you for walking this journey with me this summer. I hope you stick around, but know I appreciate all of the prayer, comments, and encouragement more than I can adequately express.

-Nick

3.21 Rambling introspection? Don't mind if I do.

A week goes by again... and no blog posts. In short it was a great week, we had 90+ kids here at camp and that kept us all on our toes. I was a bit worn out by the end and needed as much sleep as physically possible. 

And now I'm going to talk about another thing. Because I can. 

Yesterday I was out at the rappelling cliff (some people use walls, we have a cliff, we're cool like that) and at the end of one of the groups had the opportunity to rappel down. (it was faster, and more fun than hiking around) and as I was getting set and positioning myself on the top part the kids started yelling advice up at me. Apparently when I'm taking my time and getting my balance (easier said than done at the top for us tall types) I look like I have no idea what I'm doing. I mostly ignored the advice and waited for my comrade to hook in as well, because it's more impressive when the kids can see both of us speeding down the wall. (He always wins but he also goes aussie-style and I don't) 

As I started down the cliff at a rapid pace I couldn't help but chuckle, both because of the exhilaration of the wind and the heat from the rope warming the glove on my brake hand, as well as the fact that all of the advice from below almost immediately changed to exclamations of surprise. 

As I was unclipping a few seconds later at the bottom of the cliff I had a moment of clarity. How I rappel is how I do a lot of things. I'm not super great at starting usually... It takes me a little while and a few shaky steps to get comfortably setup and prepared for the rest of a task. I have found this to be true in returning to school (my grades were decent from the start but have improved steadily) to jobs I've worked in the past where I jump from rookie to competent in a very short time... but when I'm a rookie I'm quite a rookie. 

This also applies to my internal life, searching for churches and struggling to find a family.. but once I'm past the awkward start I have  relationships and friendships for years. Or this applies to romantic relationships... most die in the completely awkward stage because I'm not good at starting. But investing and maintaining? that I can do fairly well. (at least most days) 

I know this is a bit introspective and you're wondering why this should matter to you or anyone for that matter. (Let me tell you, come closer) It matters because people all around us learn a host of things about our character and personality based on things that we don't even think about. All of the signals that we give off without intending to are road signs to our internal struggles or serenity. While you can attempt to mask those signals (some have more proficiency in this than others) or we can give false indicators in the end our soul will shine through. I would encourage you to become proficient in reading your own signals, not so that you can become more proficient in deceiving people but that you can know yourself better and in so doing you can know your weaknesses in a very honest sense. 

I'm sure this made more sense to me than It does to you, and I'm ok with that. (after all it's my blog) 

Blessings Friends!

-Nick