3.21 Rambling introspection? Don't mind if I do.

A week goes by again... and no blog posts. In short it was a great week, we had 90+ kids here at camp and that kept us all on our toes. I was a bit worn out by the end and needed as much sleep as physically possible. 

And now I'm going to talk about another thing. Because I can. 

Yesterday I was out at the rappelling cliff (some people use walls, we have a cliff, we're cool like that) and at the end of one of the groups had the opportunity to rappel down. (it was faster, and more fun than hiking around) and as I was getting set and positioning myself on the top part the kids started yelling advice up at me. Apparently when I'm taking my time and getting my balance (easier said than done at the top for us tall types) I look like I have no idea what I'm doing. I mostly ignored the advice and waited for my comrade to hook in as well, because it's more impressive when the kids can see both of us speeding down the wall. (He always wins but he also goes aussie-style and I don't) 

As I started down the cliff at a rapid pace I couldn't help but chuckle, both because of the exhilaration of the wind and the heat from the rope warming the glove on my brake hand, as well as the fact that all of the advice from below almost immediately changed to exclamations of surprise. 

As I was unclipping a few seconds later at the bottom of the cliff I had a moment of clarity. How I rappel is how I do a lot of things. I'm not super great at starting usually... It takes me a little while and a few shaky steps to get comfortably setup and prepared for the rest of a task. I have found this to be true in returning to school (my grades were decent from the start but have improved steadily) to jobs I've worked in the past where I jump from rookie to competent in a very short time... but when I'm a rookie I'm quite a rookie. 

This also applies to my internal life, searching for churches and struggling to find a family.. but once I'm past the awkward start I have  relationships and friendships for years. Or this applies to romantic relationships... most die in the completely awkward stage because I'm not good at starting. But investing and maintaining? that I can do fairly well. (at least most days) 

I know this is a bit introspective and you're wondering why this should matter to you or anyone for that matter. (Let me tell you, come closer) It matters because people all around us learn a host of things about our character and personality based on things that we don't even think about. All of the signals that we give off without intending to are road signs to our internal struggles or serenity. While you can attempt to mask those signals (some have more proficiency in this than others) or we can give false indicators in the end our soul will shine through. I would encourage you to become proficient in reading your own signals, not so that you can become more proficient in deceiving people but that you can know yourself better and in so doing you can know your weaknesses in a very honest sense. 

I'm sure this made more sense to me than It does to you, and I'm ok with that. (after all it's my blog) 

Blessings Friends!

-Nick