Lake day was a great day today! I spent nearly the entire day in the water... and I had the wonderful opportunity to talk about camp stuff when I wasn't playing in the water. I love doing the planning and strategizing that makes camp happen almost (if not more than) as much as camp itself it's something that I miss a lot during this season, so it was great to have a taste again.
Tonight I am exhausted... my plan is to share a few things with you, shower, and then hope a lot that I can get up without too much trouble and get our saddling done tomorrow morning before breakfast. I'm tired... but I'm going to ramble like I did on sunday, hopefully with similarly interesting results.
hmm... what should I chat about tonight? I had a brief moment earlier tonight where I was reminded that even though I've done camp for a long time, and I often feel that I'm good at this work... I am not perfect and occasionally I run into myself and find that to be in conflict with who I should be. I am definitely a work in progress and today I was a bit reminded of that fact. (which isn't a bad thing at all)
I also have mentioned before that i'm becoming more and more anxious about school coming up. I don't like new things that are completely outside of my safe coping places and familiar routines. Camp is a chaos that I know fairly well and I've learned places and ways to rest and vent the things that I need to. In 4 short weeks I'll be at a school that I've never visited with lots of people that I've never met (although a few I do know from camp) and likely living with a roomate that I don't know at all... For some reason that I cannot recall at the moment I decided that this would be a good plan, and very little of it sounds even a little exciting right now. That having been said I also know that this is what I need to do, but I'm afraid it's going to hurt. (I'm a wuss that way)
I'm desperately pleading that God will take away my concerns about this... I crave the peace I had back in February about this decision.... but I cannot seem to find that calm place. Misty Edwards – You Won't Relent keeps coming up. I know I need to let this all go, but I can't seem to do that yet...
although... Matt Redman – Never Once is as true now as it has ever been... I just feel so alone, We're starting to lose the first of our summer-long family this weekend and every week we find family for a short time only to be forced apart by the tyranny of the weekend. And soon enough even the full team will be gone... each back to wherever they are led next.
What I consider my family (many of you I suspect) consists of my blood, my church, and camp... and all three of those will be so far so very soon. (two of them already are)
As you have no doubt gathered, I am weary my friends. I crave your encouragement and your prayers.
-Nick
3 comments:
Prayers and encouragement being sent your way. Don't be too lonely, too discouraged, or too weary; my friend, remember instead the peace and fellowship of being surrounded by those that go before you and are with you. As it is written in Hebrews: "Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight and the sin that clings so closely, and let us run with perseverance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus the pioneer and perfecter of our faith, who for the sake of the joy that was set before him endured the cross, disregarding its shame, and has taken his seat at the right hand of the throne of God."
Brother, sometimes the best adventures are the ones where we go in with our hands lifted in surrender and no sweet idea how it will turn out. You know and you've known that school is God's leading for you to move into the next stage and to move into a new season past the familiarity and routine you've had for the past few years, and even if it blows up in your face, the risk and obedience alone are worth it. And give yourself grace (punny! hehe) because He doesn't call us to be perfect but just to be faithful. A year ago I was packing up for the biggest move of my life and so excited and scared at the same time. And you know what? I've loved it and I've completely hated it and I've never felt more at home. A year in and there's absolutely no where else I'd rather be. He's good like that. And Flagstaff was similar. I had no idea what I was getting into, struggled for the first 6 months and then found community and goodness that marked the next two years as a super special season in my life and my growth with Jesus. The risk grows us and forces us to crash on Him. I know I like the risk and change a bit better than you, but I know He's with you. Take it one step at a time - He's given you everything that you need with His power and Spirit in you - for this adventure. It is great. It will be great. Because you have the best Father and the best Guide who never asks you to go out alone.
You know that amazing zipline across the ravine? Bet you didn't go down hand over hand. Instead you learned about the strength of the cable, and the error margin; you determined that having gloves would be wise from speaking to others who had already travelled down it, and then with some fear and excitement all rolled up together you abandoned yourself to the cable -- and had an awesome ride!
Following God isn't that much different (well it is but you get my drift). He calls us to taste and see that He is good; that He is faithful; that He is trustworthy, and then challenges us to abandon ourselves to His leading. Scary? often, but not b/c He isn't good, but b/c we keep looking at ourselves.
Keep your eyes on Jesus, and keep your feet moving in the direction you knew you were being called to go. Don't forget that his Word is a lamp (flashlight) to our feet - that's as far as we need to see. The light will illuminate what we need to see when we get there, but, until then, just take one step at a time, and enjoy the hike.
Love you!
Mum
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